new start!

Yay!
A newstart!

Things were looking rather grim in the world of myself not so long ago, but now, there picking up abit!
Im still struggling with certain principles in my life (I dont have enough time to talk about those now but give me a few days and I will rattle it out for you)
However less about me, I have, as someone has hopefully said,
affected a change upon the world!
I like to help people who are sad,
Ive done this,
there was a young lady who I met, who due to depression, cut herself, ALOT. Now im no counciler, but I knew this lady needed help, so thats what ive done, ive helped, and dang....it feeeeeels good!
She threw away her blades yesterday, and today she threw her box of sharp things away!
My heart leaped at the news! She kept telling me to do it, but that was the easy thing to do rite?
I almost did, she cut herself, once, while i was helping her....and for that I feel a sense of imeasurable guilt....should I?

Id spill all my blood for anybody who needed help..... :-( did i fail? or was it a sucess?

Dealt with a ...well...problem today, in the name of thrush!
quite interesting, for some reason, Mr.X came to me worrying that he had the infection, I ran through the symptoms in my head, his Mrs.X had one symptom, he had no signs... I even checked his tounge (mr. and mrs X are a saucy couple .....its not the first time Ive dealt with him over STI's or the like!
So i sent him on his way with a stern warning, if he was going to wack it, he must pack it! ;-)
I give him 3 months till he is back!


I must confirm at this point I am not a medical student....nor doctor, nor nurse...

Like a friend said 'I attract those who need help, help them, then deny all knowladge of doing so!'
what does that make me?

I have a poem for you all.....please dont copy it and declare it as your own!!!

I am

I am your mother’s stern warning that rings in your ears,
I am that cold breeze that ruffles you on a still night,
That sudden noise, that makes you realise, you’re not alone.
I am that time the room went black,
I am the broken ankle and not neck that you gained from climbing ‘that’ tree
I am that rustling noise behind you;
The drip drip drip that haunts you,
The creaking floorboards and the noisy pipes, the scurrying in the darkness, the sudden flash of light,
I am the reason why you drag your friends to the toilet,
I am the reason why you look both ways on the road. Twice.
I am the big dark stranger, the sort that seems to follow you the whole time,
I am that breath you release in relief when you realise that I wasn’t following you...
I am and always shall be behind you, forever watching, always waiting, I am what has caught up and consumed many, killed hundreds of thousands, spared many, my enemy is luck and my rival is chance, I am and shall be forever more.
You cant outrun me, nor can you hide, I am that shiver building inside, I am that sudden feeling that you’ve just caught, that immovable sense of a sickening thought, slowly , steadily you will see, that I am what I am because you make me, I am , I am, I am.
I am reality....


Run.....


that was written in exactly 5 mins and 4o seconds :)

alone..

okay, im going to try and not sound physcopathic in this blog...but here we go none the less....

Well, that saying 'people are always lonliest in a large crowd...'
its sorta ringing true now...
Ive just found out im going to be by myself for new years eve...no biggy i guess...worse things in the world, but Ive developed this sense (in the last 30 mins or so) that im upset by it....greatly so, I think its a feeling akin to loninless...not to say Im usually mr.popular, but I usually have a friend to fall back on...
I feel guilty in a way too (bear with me on this one) becasue there are those who are working, unable to be with their families, paramedics, nurses, doctors, police peeps, officals cctv, soilders and those who partake in jobs that wont be with there loved ones...because they cant, and heres me being moody....cause even though I cant, It troubles me that Im not being forced too.
Daft?
I think so.
My friend...she is contained by her parents...and she had to pull out for that reason...thats hurt me abit, but I know its not her fault...I ....sigh
happy new year
and probably post then...

The diferences of similarities

Yesterday (yes thats right christmas day) was a difficult day....however within techincalities I made my life easier,
I sorted the afore mentioned problem (well 1/6th of it anyway), yet it still hasnt fixed itself fully and has left me feeling rather rotten about myself, I feel like ive caused somebody pain...even though they, techinically did it to themselves...
Its a rather akward situation.....

I think today my rant will be on public behaviour....
I work in a certain area of retail (although I am only a tempory member of staff life is just as difficult, not that reatail is difficult, its just, retail...)
Im shocked at the behaviour of people towards other human beings, and suddenly, just because the other human is wearing a uniform, they become the sole spokesperson, emblem of the company they work for...and apparently represent the 'very core of the wrongness that is destroying this world'
Just because somebody is is a 'shop worker' people assume they loose the rights to tolerance and politness, if I came outside your home and got angry because you werent baking a cake at that moment in time, or because your grass was green, or even because your house was at the slight wrong angle (you can see im getting vauge here deliberately as to how mean and mindlessly boring things people can pick on), it is likely youd get rather annoyed...and I wouldnt blame you to be honest!
So why do people treat people like this?
No its not the muslims, no its not the foreginers, no its not the goverment or the latest episode of eastenders...its society and its rather steady (actually i think 'rapid' is more suitable) decent into chaos...the lines between what is and isnt acceptable are become siginificantly blurred day by day....all in the name of freedom...if this is the case...why are we being watched more? and more importantly, at what point does freedom become wildness?
It worrys me.

Ive met this girl, actually i met her some time ago, she is the cutest thing in the world, innocent, goregous and quite frankly rather sexy, but the problem is the innocence...I fear that if I purse her, I mite show her to a world that perhaps she isnt akin to (im not on about drugs and naughty stuff) Im more on about sexual releationships and being stupid and acting out of spontanaity as a opposed to planning, getting drunk, skinny dipping, nudity, closeness...and all sorts of other random stuff...I can feel her wanting to be free...but im afraid to be the one to lead her there...
sigh.

what sorta world do we live in when the pigeons are warmer, drier and better fed than the citizens themselves...and im not talking about africa...the UK is becoming a dark dark place.

Stupid mistake...

I thought it'd be funny to put the 'warning' or adult content button as a start. Stupidly laughing at the thought that perhaps some people may be pushed away by it...Im starting to regret that descison...so I apologise, but I guess I needent have as those people will never get to see it...
never the less, those of you who did 'jump the gap, leap the void, ladder the chasam, scale the wall, break the ice, go for the jump etc....' well done :-D (how many of those ....ahhh my sandwhich....okay not to eat and blog at same time.......How many of those could be used as sexual inuendoes)
How many of you have ever got yourself into a love triangle? well more to the point....a rather viscious (now is that the word for very sticky or very dangerous?, im aiming for the latter but both are applicable)
a rather viscious (hehe) 6 sided mix up.
Your probably thinking 'wow' he is lucky or something along those lines... But when one manages to attract someone/people because you are boring, know stupidly random facts, are sickingly obediant/reliable then one starts to worry whats happening to all the attractive people!
Why arent they pulling people?
One or more of these people are a year to three years my superior (and at this age thats different)....
Im so confuddled...
what with all the bad news around at the moment what is a man to do?

A problem Ive seen in this country is a distinct lack of efficientcy!
Things work better when they just do.
'That statement' (quite rightly) your thinking 'dosent make sense'
well, it does.
See if soembody said jump and everybody did, then there wouldnt be a problem (dispite the fact the force would be equivlent to that of a nuclear bomb) . But as people do, the whine, youd have 40% of the people whining about their rites...who cares for others, 30% threating to sue for RSI (repetative strain injury) 15 % near death and the other 15% (namely those who actually get on with life) would actually do it. Only one group there has an excuse for not jumping and thats the 15% who get on with life because they deserve a break..... (:-O you thought I was going to say the ones near death...but no they have probably, drank, smoke or O'D them selves there anyway and should put a little bit of effort in before the cop it....)

The first...rant?

I guess I looked to start blogging for an aim, just like you could say, everything ultimatley has an aim....The bird wishes to live as long as possible,for apparently no apparent reason... so this is my aim to blog, for what goal I do not know.
I think you could say I'm a pretty abnormal guy (I have all my limbs,faculties (I hope) and wits) but the way I act, think ,breathe...one second my play list has cancelled....
ok
is perhaps out of the usual standard way somebody my age would act....
I see alot problems with the world, but i also see alot of good things, I do try to be part of those good things but perhaps, sometimes I contriubte to the greater evil...as opposed to the good. ( I dont so anything particularly naughty sometimes I like to teach bad people a lessons....such as leaving particulary heavy items in their trolleys)
I see myself as...subtle, a Mr.Grey...somebody once said I had the mystism of a blacked out window...intriuging a little frighting but ultimatley some people want to know whats behind it....
but this isnt a personal description...nor a blog on how great I am, it is merely..to help express (despite the fact earlier I said i had no goals in blogging...expressing is simply a cause)
I think through out my blogs (i use plural as I hope there to be more) you will see certain things, firstly, I have a dark sense of humour, I use (brackets) alot and I ramble. But this is an act of expression as opposed to something direction....I also use 'as opposed' to ALOT.
I also apologise about my spelling...
I wish to preserve anomity...so if you actually think you know me, please dont let the world know...not that the world will be viewing this blog, but yes...
To be honest (although I will be a little disapointed) Im not expecting anybody to even read this....

So here in will start my rants, feelings and observations,
There are so many blogs in the world, so many millions, I have a tendancy to look at the bare bones of things, the facts of the matter, sometimes so much so it makes people uncomfortable...but here it is,
please feel free to comment and give me your guidence!